Eating Dumplings, Listening to Mothxr

Eating leftover dumplings, staring at an IKEA shelf that I’m a bit intimidated to continue installing on my own. I can just imagine one attempt at drilling into the wall and a web of cracked lines emerging from that spot and my entire wall coming down exposing my neighbors having sex in the middle of this weekend afternoon. I’d be happy for them but not sure they’d see that when the catastrophe initially unfolds.

I watch too many movies and listen to too many songs. In fact if I’m being honest dear reader, (hi, Dad) every time I sit down to write an entry here I paint a picture of myself as the protagonist in a coming of age film introducing myself with a thoughtful, precocious voiceover.

God, you ever just get sick of yourself?

This week I’ve been engrossed in the former Lifetime, current Netflix show, You. It’s been a great cushion while finishing The Sopranos and feeling like I’ve been severed from my entire murderous family. However, good or bad (bad, probably) You is for society, it’s a thrilling and entertaining watch and really makes a case for Penn Badgley’s acting skills.

It also brought me back to a few years ago when I listened to his band, Mothxr, religiously. I even saw them live once at a very cool venue whose name I cannot remember, very helpful I know. My friend and I were backstage and I got to hand Penn a beer from the cooler. I know what you’re thinking, and you’re correct, fame IS exciting but you know, it’s also a lot to shoulder so I ultimately had to go home and revert to my life of normalcy as a regular civilian.

Anyway, I can only describe the music as moody-sensual-electronic. There’s a lot right now that tries to be that but they were doing it long before and it actually works for them without sounding manufactured and meaningless. While many might find it easy to scoff at what started as a passion project of the Gossip Girl lead, the band is so good!

I remember the live performance being magnetic and so consistent with what I had been listening to on my various devices and after rediscovering them all over again, I find myself only wishing that they had more to their catalogue.

Alas, I have to return to my dumplings and shelf (good excuse for ending a bad date early, if you ask me) but I encourage you to listen to what Mothxr does have to offer.

Treasure in a Trash Filled World

This post is late and the guilt over the too rapidly achieved inconsistency will haunt me forever, probably. It’s always difficult to reconcile how the good can happen in tandem with the very bad. Typically, when I get too overwhelmed with trying to understand things or figure them out (which is often because I feel cursed with this obligation) I try to focus on what I don’t have to work to understand, like my friendships.

Throughout any hardship, heartbreak, or rite of passage my friends and I always show up for each other. I’m sure there have been times when we were younger when maybe that wasn’t always the case but as we’ve grown up we are each other’s constants.

I don’t really believe in luck, but for whatever reason I was lucky enough to have found these people in a city of millions and we have stayed friends ever since we’ve met.

I think what I love most about our friendships is how our taste in some things vary but ultimately it doesn’t matter because our values are all the same and that’s the glue.

Here are some songs that remind me of my friends partially stolen from our road trip playlist that one of us made but a couple of these just remind me of specific memories:

The Dandy Warhols, We Used to be Friends
Toploader, Dancing in the Moonlight
Queen, Best Friend
The Rolling Stones, Beast of Burden
Bon Jovi, I’ll Be There For You
Usher, OMG

Hope everyone is having a great New Year. Hug your friends!

Holiday Things and Other Matters

I’m cat-apartment-sitting in Astoria. These streets once felt like a blank canvas, a fresh start. I lived here on and off for a few years but these days it’s a place I associate with uncertainty, rash decisions, but still a sense of comfort. It was the only place, aside from my parent’s neighborhood, where I got to live in very close proximity to my best friends. It feels strange to come back here with most of those people gone but because its Queens the streets still permeate with familiarity.

Truth be told, I’m still listening to imagine on loop and watching Ariana’s live performance of it on Jimmy Fallon’s show.. The denial and ability to envision something bigger, long-lasting with someone is a feeling I so often relate to and there’s a comfort in knowing that even the world’s largest celebrities also feel those feelings. That maybe sounds deeper than it really is. The people singing these songs (usually) aren’t celebrities when they started singing so the feelings existed before the stardom - I’m thinking about this too much, moving on!

It is Christmas Eve today. The holiday season has historically been the high before a crash for me. Its filled with my sister’s birthdays, so many parties, reunions, and my own birthday. Once the last thing is wrapped up it’s usually hard to find things to look forward to until the weather gets warm but I think I’ve been preoccupied with so many other things it felt like the holidays creeped up so quickly that I didn’t have time to think about them. This year feels different, I feel more even keeled for whatever reason (lots of them, too much detail for my second post). But I’ll take it!

Here are my favorite holiday songs to listen to of the pop-variety because this is a rare instance where I feel like more contemporary songs are overshadowed by the legacy of older ones, OBVIOUSLY not looking at you Mariah.

Justin Bieber, Mistletoe
Ariana Grande, Wit It This Christmas (I’m two-for-two for posts with Ariana references and already feel self-conscious about it)
Kanye West, Christmas in Harlem
Christina Aguilera, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Kacey Musgraves, Christmas Don’t Be Late

Have a great holiday, everyone (probably just my dad reading this). And to those who have a hard time during this time of year, I love you and am thinking of you!

Welcome To My Diary

I imagined starting this blog/archive for a long time and instead of giving a whole shpiel about the self-created obstacles or distractions I let hinder my productivity we are all (mostly me) going to accept the fact that I am a person with a blog now. With this project, however long or short lived it is, I will offer the things that have made me happy or have occupied my mind.

This week they are:

  • Ariana Grande’s new single “Imagine” which I have listened to no less than 500 times since it dropped on Thursday evening.

  • The boygenius Tiny Desk that my friends failed to tell me existed. (Ya know, shame on them! My musical interests can basically be categorized as Women With Gut-Wrenching Voices Singing About Sad Love and Ass-Music™️ that takes my mind off of all my neuroses. “Ass-music” is a phrase I coined, you have to Venmo me $5 every time you use it.)

  • The raw bar at my office holiday party.

I cannot begin to dissect my feelings about the Kanye/Drake beef. Mostly I am exhausted by it and constantly wish for all my favorite artists to get along. I don’t know where my feelings stand on Kanye because I feel for someone trying to cope with mental health issues but at the same time the damage he has done by who he had decided to align himself with cannot just be undone with one tweet. I don’t know! We are all human, but at what point does constant forgiveness dismantle the possibility for an artist with an expansive platform to be held accountable for their actions?

Anyway, I’m going to go roast brussels sprouts (wow, lotta s’s) for a Christmas party tonight. Hope you all have wonderful weekends!